Gaslighting is a manipulation technique used by narcissistic individuals to force their vulnerable partner to question their own reality, perception, memory, and even their sanity. It is a psychological stimulus that relies on the victim’s inability to get out or fear of termination of the said relationship. There have been scores of reports of numerous male and female individual using this to bolster their ego, control, and in some cases, places in the relationship hierarchy.
Usually, these patients leave an old victim when they find a new one, the effect of which can be devastating. Here are some of the steps to manage yourself after you have suffered through a personal or professional relationship with such an individual.
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Sever all points of contact with the narcissist
Cut off any point of communication with the narcissist. That means phone, e-mail, social media, and every other avenue. These gaslighters often try an indirect route of re-establishing contact through common friends and family members; so, a strict NO should be the answer for all these approaches. If you have identified the gaslighter, get out of his or her clasp, and stay out.
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Learn to forgive yourself
The narcissist feeds off your confusion, un-sureness, and the property of questioning your beliefs. They are psychological parasites, who always want to have the last word by pushing you towards general depression, often leading to suicide. Accept that it’s not your fault, and the state of the relationship is not your burden alone. Do not ever think of yourself as the cause of the problems. Learn to let go, and you can return to normalcy.
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Connect up with friends
Usually, the gaslighters try to isolate you from your friend circle, so that you become completely dependent on them. Once they have left you, go and try to reconnect with them. This is also a great opportunity of identifying true friends, as they will support you and help you to be calm, happy and just yourself without unwanted judgment.
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Take up volunteering
Volunteering for any cause is a great way to manage the grieving process. You may hear some comments stating that other people have far greater problems than yourself. Do not listen to it; your grief is yours alone, and it is nobody’s business to dictate how and when you should come out of it. Volunteering can give a chance to reconnect with your community and keep your mind busy elsewhere in a positive environment.
Finishing off
Gaslighters tend to exploit the caring nature of open-minded people. There is no shame in being thoughtful, but being aware adds an extra layer of protection. If you need professional help to cope with the issue, go and avail such help. Remember that you are never the cause for that behavior.
Last but not least, learn to identify if you are actually in the wrong. Your real well-wishers will warn you about that, and you may not always like the approach. Blaming them of Gaslighting behavior to cover for your misconduct is just petty childish denial.
