There is no denying, no point in trying to sugar coat it, and certainly no way to downplay that if you are about to go through or are going through a divorce and proceedings that you are in for a tough time. It will be mentally, physically, and without a doubt emotionally draining and these are all understandable and acceptable, but it is not the end.
This is one factor that you do have control over and the final say in and that is how you bounce back for it all. No matter which side of the paperwork you are on or coming from the result is the same, two people who will be legally separated and essentially ‘free’ from each other and who have a choice to make on how they will go forward building their new life.
Sure it might seem overwhelming and daunting while you begin and as you go through the motions, the endless amounts of paperwork and question answering which never go away, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and that should be your main focus. The silver lining peeking out from behind the cloud waiting for you to grab it and take hold of it is only a decision away, and you don’t have to go through it alone.
Reasoning
You could be wondering what happened, did you do something wrong, say the incorrect response when your spouse was asking you something? Or have they simply grown tired of you and are now looking for a fresher, more exciting approach to life with someone new?
There are thousands of reasons why people choose to split, separate, or get divorced but what you need to understand is that life still goes on. Just because you thought they were the one but now aren’t doesn’t mean that you need to hole up in your house with the curtains drawn and order take out 7-days a week.
The last thing that any supportive friend or family member (and trust me there will be plenty of shoulders to cry and lean on when you need it) wants to see is a hobbit-looking version of their friend with greasy, uncombed hair answering the door in their robe. No thank you.
Talking to people you trust who have been through similar or who ideally work in the industry is a good starting point, it will give you some perspective, and knowing others who have been in this situation and that have come out the other side stronger is a great focus to have and to keep your eye on.
Understanding the particulars
So we have for the most part a basic understanding of what the word divorce means, you can see a more technical and in-depth version of it in this link but in a nutshell, it is the breaking of a marital union, a legal agreement, a life once shared by two people now split into two.
There is no right or wrong reason to get a divorce, no one can say you must or must not go through with it and the final decision lays with the parties involved. What should also be understood and considered is that in some instances the choice is mutual, both individuals feel that they still very much love the other but are more friendly than head-over-heels in love with their partner and seek a lover rather than just a companion.
It may be that they got together when they were still young and ambitious and didn’t realize perhaps at the time the commitment and devotion it takes to make a lasting relationship work not to mention marriage. It was all fun and games in the beginning and life was carefree and full of sparkle, getting ‘hitched’ seemed like a good idea in the spur of the moment, but months or years down the line not so much.
Now, it is not as easy to simply have an argument and leave the house for days or weeks on end with not a care in the world and to do as you please. There are consequences, factors you willingly (at the time) signed up for and agreed to but which now seem like they may be the ankle weight holding you back from what you ‘think’ is a better life
Irrespective of the rhyme or reason for your choice, we are all human, we all have feelings, and the best outcome is one that has been done respectfully and with decency. It doesn’t mean to say though that it won’t hurt at some or every point, but not doing so intentionally certainly helps. After all, you did love them at one stage of life where they were your everything, why then would you want to hurt them?
The right support system
This factor could essentially be the difference between a good or bad result, one that could impact your life, and possibly ruin it if you are not careful. The decision has been made, both parties have agreed it is time to throw in the towel and you want to move on with your separate lives, so how do you begin?
We all know that lawyers, law firms, and even more specialized divorce attorneys could cost you an arm and a leg, and is there a reason to come out the other side of the ‘battle’ without a crutch to lean on, no thank you. But paperwork needs to be done, court appearances need to be made and these cost money, so what do you do?
First, you need to make yourself a well-deserved cup of tea, take a 5-minute moment to yourself to clear your head, gather your thoughts and calm your mind, and then look into the free Oklahoma petition for divorce form to get the ball rolling. This way you have a good foundation of what to expect, what to look for, and what to be aware of, and make notes of questions you would like to ask and have answered.
Professionals are there to help, they have the knowledge and industry expertise, and experience to get you the desired results, and making sure you have done your research and homework is vital in making the right choice the first time around. We certainly don’t want to have to hire another firm to go through everything again and clean up the mess or pick up the pieces because the first company was not qualified to execute the task at hand.
Ensure that the firms you are considering have a reputable and reliable reputation, one that is evident on their webpage from the positive customer comments and rave reviews from satisfied clients, and are legally certified to carry out the job.
When chatting to the advisers be sure that they make you feel comfortable, you want to feel relaxed and know that they have your best interests in mind rather than simply focusing on getting the job done for another paycheque.
There may not be a specific list to print off with all the checkboxes you can tick off to ensure you are making the right choice, but there are a few common features to look out for that other divorcees have commented on that made them more aware. Let’s take a quick look at what some of those are and give you a basis to work off of when starting your company search process and the possible divorce attorney that will help you along the way.
• Specialized: Ask if they specifically deal with divorce cases or is it a branch of their overall expertise, and if it is merely a part then how many cases have they taken on, what were their outcomes, and how confident are they once hearing your case.
• Procedure: Do they have a set way for handling certain cases, is there a generic method that is used to get to a point, and then the personalization begins? Do they require you to be involved from the get-go or only when or if the time comes to it (as in court appearances or document signing)?
• Team: Is this a team effort or will they be the only name on the case, if there are others can you meet them, what degree of participation do they hold, and who has the final say on the account?
• Costs: Lastly, the main question we all dread no matter the situation, is how much am I going to be out of pocket for this procedure and to be finally done with it all? A rough estimation is possible in some instances but as things progress it can be difficult to predict to the letter what needs to be done to move to the next stage in the proceedings.
Sometimes these things can take years to be resolved, perhaps one party has a change of heart or mind making it tough for the other person to finalize things or move on completely, other times everything seems fine and dandy. Everyone is on the same page, it is amicable and somewhat enjoyable to see it all going according to plan, and within a mere few months the task is complete and life moves forward.
Now what?
So, the day has finally arrived, the paperwork has been signed off, ticked off, and stored away hopefully never to be seen again, and then what? Should you celebrate, laugh, cry, it can be a tricky time understanding how to feel, and this is perfectly normal. There can be no telling how we would react when a trying time has come to an end when your sole purpose each day was to tackle a divorce process that is now complete.
Some people may feel lost, not because the other person has left for good but more the fact that what consumed them daily is now no more. Seeking professional help is always advised, some other tips to also look through here could be of help and to get you on the path to recovery both mentally and emotionally.
While divorce is not always a great process to go through, we need to consider and think about the fact that life is too short to live unhappily. Why have we been put on this earth, simply to live a watered-down version of ourselves? This does not make sense and if getting a divorce, as tough as you know it will be for all parties involved, means that the future is one to look forward to then you should do it.
Certain factors such as being in business together or if children are involved inevitably make it trickier to navigate, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel to keep your eye on. Live the life you deserve and love.
