Moving a loved one, friend or spouse into assisted living is a challenging and difficult decision that a lot of people struggle with. Even though this decision is not made lightly and you realize that it is the right one to make, the sadness, guilt and other emotions associated with it can be overwhelming. So, how do you deal with moving a loved one into assisted living?
Make Peace with the Decision
A large part of the guilt and other negative emotions associated with moving a loved one into assisted living stems from listening to the opinions of others. It is important to understand that there are those who will not agree with the decision. You should realize that you cannot control everything, and you need to make certain decisions when the situation calls for it.
Knowing that you handled this specific situation to the best of your ability should help you make peace with it, even when other people do not think you did.
Remember that Professional Care Is Often Necessary
The main reason for moving a loved one into assisted living is because you would like them to receive the highest level of care possible. In many cases, loved ones are not able to provide this care and hiring a full-time caregiver is not a viable option. Assisted living facilities then become the best way to ensure a loved one has assured comfort and safety, and has people around them caring for them.
Also, professional care is necessary in cases where the caregiver is suffering from burnout. Emotional, physical and mental burnout can stem from taking care of a loved one for a long time, or from accommodating evolving needs that become increasingly complex.
Understanding that professional help benefits both of you will go a long way in helping you deal with the guilt of moving your loved one into assisted living.
Arrange for Visits
One of the main causes of worry and feelings of guilt is not knowing how a loved one is doing after moving them into assisted living. To help deal with these feelings and to see that everything is fine, arrange for regular visits, especially in the first few months after the visit.
Arranging for these visits allows you to not only see how your loved one is coping and assess how things are going, but to also talk to caregivers and nurses. Since these are the people who spend the most time with your loved one, they are in the best position to tell you how they are doing.
Many assisted living facilities have special provisions for family and friends to visit. However, it is still important to check that this is the case when trying to find the right assisted living facility for a loved one. Facilities like McKnight Place that provide assisted living in St Louis County understand how important family and friends are to their residents’ well-being and this is why they invite them for celebrations, meals, and special events. If you have a loved one living in an assisted living facility, you should endeavor to take advantage of these invitations and visit any time you can.
Know That You Are Doing Your Best
Taking care of a loved one who has complex needs is a massive responsibility and is often a thankless job. You might find yourself sacrificing your own life and happiness to take care of a loved one. If you have never been a caregiver before, you will also find yourself making decisions that you might not have had to make otherwise. You will also have to weigh up various decisions and options, even in cases where neither seems right or wrong.
Taking on such a challenging and complicated role can be overwhelming for anybody. You will be doing the best with what you have, and it is not a failing of you to find out your loved one needs a lot more than you can provide.
Learn to Let Go
Feelings of guilt often stem from wondering if you did your best and whether you are abandoning your loved one. These feelings are normal and even acceptable. However, it is important to realize that once you have made the decisions, providing care to a loved one is no longer your responsibility.
Remember that you will still play a part in their care as you will be their advocate, visit them often and do things that make their days better. However, the primary responsibility for their care is no longer yours and it is time to move on with your life. You deserve it.
Moving a loved one into assisted living can feel like abandonment, especially if it involves a loved one. Feeling guilty, sad and overwhelmed is perfectly alright, but it is important to learn how to come with the change, to be comfortable with it, and to learn to let go so you can begin the next phase of your life.
